Lovin’ these cool, crisp, mountain mornings.  Ah, fall is in the air.  Once the kiddos are on the bus, I shall get cracking on another batch of apples. Crockpot applesauce today and then apple pie filling in a jar later today. Then school work, housecleaning, work, and whatever else needs to be done around here (never a lack of that!).  I don’t have any classes today at UNCA so that’s a nice little break.

Just wanted to share with you all one of my friend’s work.  She does the most fun and creative hand-painted wood work.  You can see her products on her etsy site at: http://www.etsy.com/shop/urastarhouse

She does custom families, wedding cake toppers, decorative folk and more.  She lives, works and plays right here in Asheville.  It’s so wonderful to see artists being able to work from home, use their creative talents and enjoy life.  I strongly recommend supporting her and her growing business!

What has happened to our sense of community?  Our sense of neighbor helping neighbor?  For hundreds and thousands of years, that is how our societies worked.  And it worked well.  If our neighbor needed help harvesting their crops, the people in his/her community didn’t think twice about lending a hand.  Young and old turned out to pitch in.  If a barn needed raising, if someone was ill, if someone was in need, those closest to you came to your aid.  Why?  Because by helping your loved ones, by assisting your neighbors, you also helped yourself, you strengthened your community.

Over the past 50-100 years, that mindset has gone by the wayside.  It’s become all about looking out for number one.  It’s all about ME.  We’ve distanced ourselves, physically and emotionally from those around us, even our own families.  Where there used to be the family homestead, now families are spread so far and wide from each other that if they see each other once a year, it’s a miracle.  Sure, there is the internet, skype, text messaging, telephones, but that human, face to face touch is much too often pushed aside.  We don’t have time to sit down together and visit.  Instead we pop off a quick text message and feel like we’ve done our duty of keeping in touch.  There’s no more welcome wagon welcoming new people into our neighborhoods.  Someone new moves in next door and we barely greet them or introduce ourselves.  Don’t want to get too close.  We wouldn’t bother with asking to borrow a cup of sugar from the lady next door.  Just hop in the car and run to the store.  Much easier than walking a few steps over.  There’s something wrong with that picture.

We do not know what is going in the lives of our neighbors, and even more sadly, we barely know what is happening in the lives of our parents or siblings or children who live hundreds of miles away.  Oh, we talk to them now and then, but do we really know the whole story?  We don’t know who needs what.  And today, the question is, even if we did know that our family or neighbor needed some help with something, would we actually help them?  Or would that interfere with our lives too much and so we would simply ignore the need?

What worked for generation upon generation in the past could still work today if we would just get back to those basic things of caring for and about our community.  Of looking out for one another.  Of taking the time to ask our friends and family members what is really going on in their lives, actually listening to their answers and then responding.  Because the world has gotten so big and so immediate, we see this huge, massive picture of all the ills in the world, and I think sometimes we just give up and think  there is nothing we can do.  It’s too much.  But it’s not.  Not if we start at the home.  Start with the small circle.  Your family, your neighbors, your community.  As we start there and help them get stronger, then we all get stronger.  We feel empowered.  It starts with that first ripple in the pond and can then branch out from there.  We need to embrace those around us, lend a willing and helping hand, reach out to those in need.  Only then can our community grow and thrive.  One day, one person, one family at a time.  We must put the unity back in our lives and our communities.  We have to return to the basics.

It used to be that this idea was a given.  For our grandparents, our parents and even for some of us who are a bit older.  Of course we all sat down together for dinner.  What else were we supposed to do?  Where else would we be?  We probably did not realize that that time together was part of glue that held our families, our family life together.  It was simply something we did every night after everyone was home from school and work.  It was part of our daily lives.  A time to share and break bread and reflect, together, on the things that had taken place in each of our days.

Sadly, nowadays, this is not a given.  And of all times when this tradition should be vitally important, it is often ignored.  In this age of techology, when we communicate so often through technology, be it cell phones, emails, social networking websites, etc., human, face to face, eye to eye contact is not experienced.  But we are social creatures.  We need, desire and crave that human touch.  Desire to look into someone else’s eyes and see their soul reflected there.  It’s all well and good to express your feelings and talk about your day’s happenings in a quick post on Facebook or what have you, but let’s be honest, are we completely honest in those posts?  Do we really want to all those people our most intimate and private thoughts and feelings?  I don’t think we do.  And even if we do, something, by the very nature of such communication, gets lost in the translation.  A smily face cannot possibly express true, unabashed joy.  In the same way, a sad face doesn’t express the true depth and breadth of sadness.  Is it just a little ouch or is it gut wrenching sobs?

And who better to share these most honest feelings with than with the people who matter most to you?  Your family.  Whether it’s gathering around the dining room table, sitting on a blanket having a picnic, or what have you, the mere act of sitting down with each other, passing the potatoes and the salt and pepper, breaking bread can be a healing part of our long, often arduous day.  We can let our hair down, smile across the table at our spouse or children, refortify our beings-both physically and emotionally by simply sharing that little half an hour together.   (A key point here is to do so without distractions such as a television or the interruption of phone calls-we turn our phones off during our dinner time.)  This is a time to focus on one another, on our family, to let each other know that the other people are more important to us than other things that can demand our attention.

One of my dearest friends told me a long time ago that one of the things that her grown children always talked about when they got together later in life was how important that family dinner was to them in their memories.  They recalled how no matter how crazy their day had been, they knew that at dinner time, they would all gather and there was someone there who cared and would listen to them.  Those are the types of things I hope my children remember most.

So often, we get caught in with thinking that what will matter most to our children when they are grown up and on their own will be their memories of material things we were able to give them.  But when you think back on your childhood, do you remember what you got for your 12th birthday or the times you and your family were just hanging out, being together?  Those happy and warm memories.  They are the ones that fill you with those warm, fuzzy feelings of yesterday.

We all need a time in our day to reconnect with other people.  Life can get crazy busy, schedules often get so heavy we don’t know how to find, but let’s try to remember how important those face to face connections are, for ourselves as well as the loved ones in our lives, and make time to, on a more frequent basis, to sit down at the family dinner table together.

One Sunday evening, several weeks ago,  I took a walk by myself after having a very challenging emotional day.  I was like the Tazmanian devil all day.  Unsettled internally; feeling like a total maniac and a horrible mother, etc.  Finally around 7:30, I realized I just had to get away from everything.  As I was heading over to our favorite walking spot, just down the road, I realized how many times I have said I just need to get away by myself, get away from everything, even if just for a day or two.  It hit me all at once that one thing I cannot get away from is myself.  Getting away from the other stuff is relatively easy.  But how do I get away from the ‘shitty committee’ that screams so loudly in my head?  How would I truly relax when the me inside would be there, being its typical hamster, running and running and running in that silly little ball.

As I started walking, the tears were streaming down my face.  What had happened?  Why couldn’t I be, why wasn’t I that person I had always so wanted to be? Why was I screaming at my beautiful, precious children?  Children I had fought so hard to have.  First there was James.  After being told that without very expensive procedures to help me get pregnant (which we couldn’t possibly afford), there was hardly any chance that we would ever have children biologically, we embarked on the road to adoption.  Miraculously, within two months, we were holding our precious two day old baby boy in the NICU of the Alaska Native Medical Center.  Then there was the unforgettable day when our fertility specialist told us that we were pregnant at long last, and not just with one, but with three miracles.  And then, totally out of the blue, came the unexpected miracle of the little Frankster.  All five of these incredible gifts, our children, are so precious to me and yet I don’t seem to be able to enjoy them as I want to.  To revel in them.  Because I’m constantly working, constantly worrying and fretting about money.  How to pay the bills.   I work my butt off constantly, in front of the computer, day and night.  On and on.   The pressure, the stress, the worries.  All those things take me away from what I really want.  And I feel like it’s all my fault.

But, as I walked, I looked around at the beauty of my surroundings; the rolling hills and mountains, the barn swallows chasing the evening insects, the cows grazing lazily in the fields, the red winged blackbirds perched along the fence posts, the colors of the setting sun playing against the backdrop of the clouds that dotted the sky.  And it made me stop and think about the fact that all these gifts that are freely given, to me, to enjoy, to soak up, to be a part of.  As I crested the top the of the last hill in the first half of my walk, there,  in the field were three beautiful white tailed deer.  So gorgeous and the perfect bow to the package that was wrapped all around me.  Like the icing on the cake.  I watched them for a few minutes until they caught my scent in the breeze and bounded off into the safety of the woods.

As I turned to head back the way I came, I took some deep, soul-cleansing breaths and decided I needed to stop lamenting all my failures, stop focusing on the fears and worries, and look at things in a different light.  In the light of all that I have been blessed with.  In light of those ‘gifts freely given’.  And it occurred to me, one of those ah-ha and duh moments, that not just was the beauty of nature a gift freely given, but so was, so are my children, my marriage, my home.  Duh! (Yes, some of those gifts were worked for, but they were miracles, gifts in my life, nonetheless.) And here I was, screaming at them, ignoring them, pushing them to the side, treating them in way that was not at all appreciative.  I have been taking them for granted.  And because of some of the situations that I, myself, had created, I was taking out my frustrations and angst on them.  How dare I do that?  I realized it was time for that to stop.  It was a freeing moment, a freeing realization.

Over the next few days, my thoughts focused on this newly found relief.  And the ah-ha’s expanded.  Here I am.  I have been given these incredible gifts.  Gifts I dreamed of all my life.  But I wasn’t ‘using’ them.  I wasn’t showing them the appreciation and the love and thankfulness they deserved.  I was, in sad reality, ignoring them, taking them for granted.  Yes, they had been given to me and they were mine but there it ended.  I wanted more, I needed more.  All these other things were interfering.  The fears, the worries, the frustrations, The need to work constantly.  To do more.  To prove more.  And it hit me, how can I have room in my life for more gifts if I haven’t even opened and enjoyed the ones that I already have?  There is no room for anything more.  It’s like if you get a ton of gifts for Christmas and instead of opening them, you just stack them in a corner, unopened, unused, unloved, unappreciated and leave them there.  When the next Christmas rolls around, no one is going to give you anything else because you haven’t even played with what they gave you last year and they see that you have no room for anything more.  It’s all well and good to visualize and dream and set goals and put your thoughts out in the universe, but when your gift basket is full, you have to appreciate, not just with lip service of thanks, but also with your actions of gratitude, the gifts in that basket.  Share your love with them.  Only then can more gifts be added to your basket.  But, and this is a big but, you cannot appreciate the gifts you already have just because you want more.  You must freely give your love and appreciation, with no expectation of anything back in return.  Yes, it’s a no brainer that that which you put out there will come back to you, but you can’t do it for that reason, for that expectation.  You do it with true and honest love in your heart.  True gratitude.  And gratitude, thanks, thanksgiving and appreciation all require action.  Not just words.

My life has changed since that walk.  Yes, the challenges are still there but internally, my soul, my perspective has shifted.  I am cherishing my gifts.  Taking time out to play games with the kids, go to the lake with the family, embrace them just because.  Is it all roses and peaches?  No, but those moments of togetherness, those “Mommy, I love you.” moments, taking time to breath and relish that which is around me make the challenges less daunting and overwhelming.  Each day is a new opportunity to enjoy these wonderful gifts I have been so blessed with.  A corner has been turned in my life.  A new chapter has begun and I am so thankful I turned that page at long last.

And what a gorgeous night it was for a walk. Hundreds of barn swallows silhoutted against the backdrop of the setting sun as they dove and swirled, chasing the evening bugs.  Bull frogs croacking away in the farm’s pond.  The corn is now taller than any of us.  Ah, summer nights.

Summer Nights

Getting ready to head out in a few minutes for our evening family walk.  Always such a nice way to calm ourselves and wind down from the day, spending a half hour or so, enjoying each other’s company and relishing the beauty of the landscape aournd us.

A big welcome to our newest advertisers on our site: Tallgary’s College St Pub, Integrated Landscaping of Asheville, Reruns Consignment Store and Roots + Wings School of Art! Happy to have you here and part of our wonderful WNC community.

One more step completed this morning in my back to college journey.  Met with my advisor at UNCA and we plotted out a course of action so I can finish up my bachelor’s degree.  Tomorrow evening I must attend the transfer student’s orientation and then I can finally register for my fall classes on Thursday afternoon.  All my ducks are in their proverbial row as far as all my transcripts, immunization records, etc, being processed and approved.  Yeah!  So, while my five children all start school on August 17th this year, mommy will be heading back, too, on August 23rd.  I know it will be challenge as I plan on taking 4-5 classes, but I will make it.  Plus, it will be fun to sit down in the evenings with the kids at the dining room table and do our homework together.

Where has compassion disappeared to?  There are chances to teach in almost every situation.  Why can’t ADULTS see this?  Our youngest son is playing his first year of baseball, on the 5-6 youth league here in Fairview.  While most of the teams in the league are fun and even if our team loses, the kids still have a good team, there are two teams in this particular who have coaches who seem to have lost touch with reality, sportsmanship and companionship.  (No, I am not going to name names, but if they read this, I HOPE they know who they are and I’m sure parents of the opposing teams know to whom I refer.)

I do not know how it is in other leagues around the area, but in this league, there is a horrendous unbalance when the coaches choose their team players at the very beginning of the ball season.  They are able to choose their players and know who they are getting, who has played before, how good the players are, etc.  Our coach is brand new to coaching this year and sadly for her, the league stacked her team with the youngest and the newest players while ensuring that their teams were stacked in just the opposite way.  How fair is that concept?  Why do they not do a lottery?  Put all the players’ names in a hat and take turn pulling from the hat.  Then the teams are balanced.  There are no ‘super’ teams in the league.  And then, then if the coach can coach/teach all the ‘hat’ players how to really play, then, hey, my hat is off to them.  But when you intentionally stack teams with the best players, I’m really not at all impressed with your coaching abilities.  Or maybe it doesn’t have to even all a lottery.  I’d even be okay with each coach being able to choose a third of his/her players (so three on a team of nine) off the top and then having the remaining names put into a pool.  And then again, they would be put in the position of actually teaching/coaching their teams into winning teams.

I know this season is getting close to being over.  But there is still time to teach the players some compassion.  When the opposing team is losing 15-0 or worse, why not pull your outfielders (the less experienced players) into the infield and putting the infielders in the outfield.  This MIGHT even the playing field (no pun intended) out.  And in addition, it would give those less experienced players a chance to learn something new and improve their skills.   (Wow, there’s a thought.  Both teams might benefit from the whole experience!) And is it really necessary to continually send the winning teams runners all the way around the bases when the younger, smaller and more inexperienced players on the opposing/not winning team are just trying to learn the fundamentals of catching the ball and where to throw it?  Must you really win by 20 or more points?

This is in NO way any fault of the players.  This is a ‘shame on you’ to the coaches, the ADULTS, who should know better.  Do you really want and/or need these little guys who are playing on your teams to grow up and think this is the way things should be?  Can’t you take this wonderful opportunity that you have right in the palm of your hand and teach them about compassion?