Recently,  in a large city in France ,
a poster  featuring a young, thin and tan woman appeared in the window of a  gym.
It said,  ”This summer,
do you want  to be a mermaid or a whale?”

A middle aged woman, whose  physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the  poster,
responded  publicly to the question
posed by  the gym.

To Whom it May Concern, Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.) They have  an active sex life,
get  pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time  with dolphins stuffing themselves with  shrimp.
They play  and swim in the seas,
seeing  wonderful places like Patagonia ,
the Bering  Sea
and the  coral reefs of Polynesia .
Whales are  wonderful singers
and have  even recorded CDs.
They are incredible  creatures
and  virtually have no predators
other than  humans.
They are  loved, protected and admired
by almost  everyone in the world..

Mermaids don’t exisit.If they did  exist,
they would  be lining up outside the offices
of  Argentinean psychoanalysts
due to  identity crisis. Fish or human?
They don’t  have a sex life
because  they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they  have sex?
Just look  at them … where is IT?
Therefore,  they don’t have kids either.
Not to  mention,
who wants  to get close to a girl who smells
like a fish  store?
The choice is perfectly clear to  me:
I want to  be a whale.
P..S. We are in an age
when media  puts into our heads
the idea  that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice  cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and  a piece of chocolate with my friends.
With time,  we gain weight
because we  accumulate so much information and wisdom in our  heads
that when  there is no more room,
it  distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren’t  heavy,
we are  enormously cultured,
educated  and happy.
Beginning today,
when I look  at my butt in the mirror I will think, Good grief, look how smart I  am!

Love note from my husband, today, our 20th anniversary:

“Willy Wonka might not have been right. The man who got everything he wantED, might not have lived happily ever after. I know that I have more than I could have ever dreamed of. Everything I have, every adventure we’ve had, every story that people tell about us is because of YOU. My sweet Lorelei. Please forgive me if sometimes I forget that. The best thing I ever did was to go to 45 Cherry Street that night. Always know that you are the reason I smile, the reason I breathe. I can’t imagine what the next 20 years and beyond will bring, but I know it will be wonderful because I’ll spend it with you. I love you.”

Oh, yeah, that’s the man I married!

Me and Joe

We’re all wearing layers, even in the house. The heat pump is working overtime, 24/7 and running our electric bill through the roof. Windows and doors covered either in plastic or with blankets trying to keep the chill out. Kids stuck inside and getting cabin fever. Expected this type of weather when Joe and I lived in Alaska for almost seven years, but no here in North Carolina. Brings back memories. Must say, I’m ready for some 40 degree days again! But, despite the cold, we’re enjoying our time together. Working on crafts, watching movies and cuddling on the couch. I just finished crocheting Meghan a beautiful deep purple hooded scarf. She looks so cute in it. A little Russian baby doll with her red hair! Still working on the afghan for Joe for our 20th anniversary which is this coming Thursday. (I made him an afghan as a wedding gift 20 years ago, so it seemed appropriate.) Topher is working on his first afghan. Meghan continues to practice her knitting skills. And T.J. has been cranking out some woven potholders. James and his friend, Tyler, have been trying to trap the rogue raccoon who killed all our chickens just before Christmas. Work for Joe has been very slow at the surveying company. This is, in general, a slow time of year anyway, but add into that the economy, the snow and the arctic cold, and there are very few crews out in the field. But regardless of the tight purse strings, life in our home, with our family, is wonderful. I am thankful everyday for our children and the life we have.

Decked the Halls

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to each and every one of you and your families. We hope that 2009 was a blessed year for you. As Joe is stringing the lights on our tree, a project that always tends to be a ‘stay out of the way’ job, I thought I would take this time to write our 2009 Christmas letter.

We have had a wonderful and fun filled year despite the economic crisis that has been so prevalent in all our lives. Although Joe’s hours at work were cut back some, we are thankful that he still has a job. My business has remained steady despite losing a few clients that sadly had to close their doors. Always sad and disheartening to witness. In May, my mother and I flew out to Kansas City for my oldest niece’s high school graduation. I had not been to the Midwest in thirteen years so it was fun to go back for a few days. We were lucky enough to be able to stay with my brother and his family and we had a fabulous time visiting. In late June, we headed to Edisto Island, SC for a family vacation with my sister and her family. We had never been there before and found it so beautiful, quiet, remote and relaxing. No high rises along the beach. Just a quiet, quaint beach town, like beach towns used to be. We stayed in a nice condo just two buildings down from Amy and her family. This was Frankie’s first trip to the ocean! We spent a week there, playing in the surf, watching the dolphins, flying kites and enjoying each other with no interruptions. In early July, we went to Cataloochee for our annual camping trip with all our friends for four days. Always a great time in the woods, playing in the creek, hanging out around the campfire, eating s’mores, seeing the elk, and sleeping in tents. Not more than a week after that, Joe and his mother flew out to Sante Fe, NM for our oldest niece’s wedding. All his family was there for the celebration, all the way from Spain and Ecuador! He had a fabulous time spending time with all of them. So, all in all, we had a great time with our travels throughout the summer.

In March, Meghan, Topher and TJ turned nine years old. Hard to believe when you look back at those early days that we made it so far. In August, the oldest four started back to school. James is in his final year of middle school, in the 8^th grade. Wow, high school is only a few months away for him. Yikes! Topher, TJ and Meghan are in 4^th grade this year. One more year in elementary school for them. Frankie will start kindergarten this coming August. Holy moly. James was on the cross country team this fall and fell right into the rhythm of being a runner. He has also participated in two 5K runs over the past few months and plans on doing more in the coming year. He is taking a break from sports during the winter months, but will try out for track and field in the spring. The triplets are all in the Odyssey of the Mind program after school and Joe is their team’s coach. (OM is a fabulous program. If you get a chance, check it out online at odysseyofthemind.com) They also participated in Super Saturdays at the University of NC-Asheville for six consecutive Saturdays in the fall. It is an enrichment program for A/B students. Topher took a class called Math Discoveries; TJ took hand-built pottery; and Meghan took beginning knitting. They will undoubtedly do it again in the spring. All three of them are also in the chorus in school. As you can imagine, all these activities keep us all hopping, but they’re fun and the kids are learning so much. We are so very proud of each and every one of them for their talents and accomplishments.

We spent a lot of time this summer and fall canning. Made our traditional trek out to Hendersonville to the orchard for apple picking in early September. Our canning this year included: bread and butter pickles, dill pickles, peach butter, 49 quarts of grape juice (from our own grape vine!), applesauce, apple butter, apple pie filling in a jar, and spiced apple rings. We ended up running out of room to store our canned treasures, so Joe built a gorgeous canning shelf which sits regally in our dining room, filled with beautiful jars of our concoctions.

We are still loving our beautiful old farmhouse and we are decking it out for the holidays, of course. The kids are excited about Christmas and we’re having fun making and baking cookies and candies and other holiday favorite goodies. Christmas Eve will find us at church and then home for our grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup dinner. Christmas day will find us up early, opening gifts and sipping coffee and hot cocoa in our jammies and then having our traditional Christmas day dinner of leg of lamb and other yummies with family. We always hope for a white Christmas, but chances are slim on that one.

We love you all and are blessed to have you in our lives. Enjoy this special time of the year and know that you are in our thoughts and our hearts!

Love and Peace,

The Kanes-Lori, Joe, James, Topher, Meghan, TJ and Frankie

You know how sometimes you just have to look up from what you’re doing on your computer and stare out the window? Exactly. And that’s what I did yesterday morning around 10:30 or so. I work from home and my office is downstairs in the front room, so my desk looks out the window onto our front porch and that overlooks the front yard out to the road. Now, we live right on Charlotte Hwy/74A in Fairview, so there’s a good deal of traffic and not very many pedestrians. We do have the occassional walkers, joggers and bikers pass by though.

As I stretched and looked out the window, I noticed two young men (somewhere between 18-22 years old is my guess) walking by. No big deal. Then they stopped and stood at the end of our driveway. A bit odd, but maybe they saw something across the street or were going to wait until a large truck drove by or something. I waited. They pointed at something on the ground. I followed their point and realized they were pointing at James’ rip stick (it’s like a skateboard).

Well, Taz (as in the Tazmanian Devil) took over my body. I flew out of my chair. (Mind you, I’ve been sick for the past few days. I had only gotten up about an hour ago. Still had on my jammie shirt and some sweat pants; hadn’t brushed my hair; no shoes on. Lord only knows what I looked like!) I grabbed the doorknob and pulled, which pulled and slammed the screen door shut, because it doesn’t like to shut all the way on its own. All this caused a great deal of noise. As I pushed the screen door open, I could see the look of surprise and shock on the boys’ faces. They weren’t quite sure where all the ruckus was coming from as they were looking all around them and then started to run. I screamed at the top of my congested voice, “Put it down, NOW!!!!!!!!”. They were looking every which way, running, and terrified of this crazy woman storming out of the house that had just a moment ago been so quiet and serene. The boy holding the rip stick looked confused. Put it down? Keep running? Finally he just threw it on the ground and they took off.

I walked across the yard to go get the rip stick. I could see them about halfway around the bend, so I shouted, “Nice try, boys!”. They were quiet for a moment then one of them said, “I was just going to try riding it down the road, ma’am. I swear. I’m so sorry, ma’am.”

I guess the Taz guise was mighty effective. An apology and some groveling. Lord knows, they could have easily gotten away with it. It wasn’t like I was going to take off down the road chasing them. But apparently, seeing some crazed woman coming flying out of the light green farmhouse was enough to put the fear of God into them. When I walked back up on the porch and went back inside the house, Frankie, our five year old, was there wringing his hands, looking scared to death. “What happened, mommy? Is everything okay?”. Guess I scared him, too. Poor baby.

Every night, I read a bedtime story to our youngest son, Frankie. He’s five now and let me tell you, he is a little spitfire and full of himself. He is one ‘wild and crazy guy’ as Steve Martin would say.

The other night I read him his story and then we turned off the light and I lay down next to him to cuddle for a few moments and talk. I’ve learned that if I just hang out there with him and we talk about his day for maybe five minutes, he goes to sleep pretty quick. So, as we snuggled, he, very seriously, said, “I need new eyebrows.” Now, in my 14 years of parenting and my ah, hem, 45 years of life, have honestly never heard anyone say they needed new eyebrows. And he was so serious about this. I played along, desperately trying to quell my internal giggling. (Come on, you would be struggling, too! Admit it!) “Why do you need new eyebrows, Frankie?” I asked. “Well, these are old, mommy. I need new ones.”

“But, Frankie, I’ve had mine for 45 years and they’re okay. And James has had his eyebrows for almost 14 years and he’s never gotten any new ones.”

“Yeah, mommy, but mine are old. So, you can either put the new ones on over the old ones, or you cut my old ones off and put the new ones on there, but you’d have to be really careful not to cut my eyes. Maybe you should just put the new ones on over the old ones.”

Now, please keep in mind just how serious this issue is for him and I am doing a unbelievably fantastic job of keeping myself in check. Very proud.

“Okay, Frankie. We’ll see what we can do but I’m not really sure I know where we can get some new eyebrows. Maybe you should just get some sleep now, okay?”

“Okay, mommy. Oh, mommy?”

“Yes, Frankie?”

“Knock knock….”

That was just it for me. And now, after the eyebrows, Frankie has hit the knock-knock age and I just have to make a dignified escape from his room before I explode with pent up laughter!

Frankie

It is my sincere hope that everyone had as wonderful a Thanksgiving as we did here at Hearth Haven (what we have named our home). The bounty of blessings that enveloped us all in the form of loving friends and family, the enticing aromas and flavors of home cooked food, the chatter of all the voices and soothing music in the background warmed us through and through.

And now, we are headed into December. We always begin the month with a birthday celebration for our oldest son, James. This year he is going to be 14. Still not sure how that happened, it has. And he is growing into such an incredible young man. Kind, considerate, empathic, caring, honest and loving. We couldn’t be prouder.

Then it will be into the homestretch as we approach Christmas. A great deal of thought and time goes into our gift exchanging. We used to find ourselves caught up in the ‘gotta haves’ but have learned  how much more special the holidays have become since forethought and care and consideration have become the norm. What would mean the most to this person? Is there something I can make for him/her? What are their needs and desires right now? It’s become not about how much but about how much thought.

Thanksgiving 2009

We need to be conscious this time of year of how deeply commercialization of this season has prevaded our society and we need to try to steer away from some of it and make the holidays more of what they should be. A time for being together, for sharing and for loving. And that does not have to mean breaking the bank or hurting our planet. Here are some ideas that I hope help us all.

Keep it simple. One thoughtful gift means much more than a pile of wrapped packages of unwanted gifts. Draw names or share the cost of a gift with a relative or friend.

Make your own gifts: knit, sew, paint, crochet, bake or make recycled art.

Look for gifts that are: durable; not overly packaged; reusable; energy efficient; recyclable; and not made from tropical woos like teak, rosewood or mahogany.

Look for gifts that are made of natural components, like sustainable harvested woods, natural fiber, or glass.

When choosing toys for children, choose items that won’t impact their health.

Purchase gifts from local vendors or that were locally made.

Give a membership or donate in the name of friend to an organization they feel strongly about.

Give a gift certificate of your time for babysitting, housecleaning, meal preparation, pet sitting.

Help someone start a garden. Give them seed and tools. Help plant, weed and water.

Plant a tree in someone’s name.

Create a recipe book from your favorite collection.

Create a photo book or make a calendar for the coming year using your own photos.

For Children

Box of dress up clothes

Makings for hand puppets

Homemade bird feeder kit.

Teach a child knitting or some other favorite craft of yours. (This will last a lifetime!)

Write and illustrate a story with the child as the main character.

Create a photo album of the year with photos of the child doing fun things.

1. Turn off lights, computers, printers, monitors and other electronic devices, unplugging them from the wall when leaving your office or home for the holiday.

2. To reduce waste, only buy what you need or expect to consume, especially foods for snacks or meals.

3. When shopping, choose products that do not have unnecessary or complicated mixed material packaging which can make recycling difficult.

4. Use decorations that can be reused or go for the natural look with popcorn, pine cones, evergreen branches, holly and leftover ribbons.

5. For your lighting needs, try LED lighting. LED lamps are rated for 50,000 hours of use or more while standard incandescent lights typically only last for 2,000 hours.

6. When choosing your Christmas tree, why not go for a potted tree that can then be planted outside after the holidays? If you can’t do this, remember to recycle your tree after Christmas.

7. Reuse or make your own wrapping paper from newspapers, fabric scraps, magazines, reusable tins or paper bags. Try making gift tags from old Christmas cards. Save boxes, tissue and paper for other special ocassions throughout the year.

8. As you share the holidays with family and friends, be sure to use a digital camera for those special moments, and send the photos you love by email.

9. Instead of sending out paper holiday newsletters or greeting cards, send electronic ecards. If mailing is your only option, use 100% recycled greeting cards.

10. Buy local: The ingredients for the average U.S. meal have traveled 1,200 miles by the time they reach the plate. All of this travel requires petroleum for transport and for refrigeration. Buying locally grown food is better for the environment, and it usually tastes much better too. Choosing food that isn’t flown in from a tropical climate also saves energy and has a lower impact on climate change. When you shop at farmers’ markets, you directly support small family farmers, and choosing organic food reduces the use of toxic pesticides.

It’s almost the big day. The kids are talking about their favorite things to eat. Our tree of giving looks beautiful and I’m so glad our children know how blessed they are. Today we made our stuffing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin cake. We toasted our slivered almonds and pine nuts for the sauteed green beans. Did some other prep work, too, so more time can be spent sitting and visiting with our family and friends. I’ll be picking up my mother in Hendersonville around 9am then come back to get the turkey in the oven. The rest of our guests will be here around 2pm. In the morning, we will also watch the Macy’s Parade, as is our tradition. I guess tonight we’ll be dreaming of turkey, gravy, ham and sweet potatoes.

Happy Thanksgiving, one and all!