It used to be that this idea was a given.  For our grandparents, our parents and even for some of us who are a bit older.  Of course we all sat down together for dinner.  What else were we supposed to do?  Where else would we be?  We probably did not realize that that time together was part of glue that held our families, our family life together.  It was simply something we did every night after everyone was home from school and work.  It was part of our daily lives.  A time to share and break bread and reflect, together, on the things that had taken place in each of our days.

Sadly, nowadays, this is not a given.  And of all times when this tradition should be vitally important, it is often ignored.  In this age of techology, when we communicate so often through technology, be it cell phones, emails, social networking websites, etc., human, face to face, eye to eye contact is not experienced.  But we are social creatures.  We need, desire and crave that human touch.  Desire to look into someone else’s eyes and see their soul reflected there.  It’s all well and good to express your feelings and talk about your day’s happenings in a quick post on Facebook or what have you, but let’s be honest, are we completely honest in those posts?  Do we really want to all those people our most intimate and private thoughts and feelings?  I don’t think we do.  And even if we do, something, by the very nature of such communication, gets lost in the translation.  A smily face cannot possibly express true, unabashed joy.  In the same way, a sad face doesn’t express the true depth and breadth of sadness.  Is it just a little ouch or is it gut wrenching sobs?

And who better to share these most honest feelings with than with the people who matter most to you?  Your family.  Whether it’s gathering around the dining room table, sitting on a blanket having a picnic, or what have you, the mere act of sitting down with each other, passing the potatoes and the salt and pepper, breaking bread can be a healing part of our long, often arduous day.  We can let our hair down, smile across the table at our spouse or children, refortify our beings-both physically and emotionally by simply sharing that little half an hour together.   (A key point here is to do so without distractions such as a television or the interruption of phone calls-we turn our phones off during our dinner time.)  This is a time to focus on one another, on our family, to let each other know that the other people are more important to us than other things that can demand our attention.

One of my dearest friends told me a long time ago that one of the things that her grown children always talked about when they got together later in life was how important that family dinner was to them in their memories.  They recalled how no matter how crazy their day had been, they knew that at dinner time, they would all gather and there was someone there who cared and would listen to them.  Those are the types of things I hope my children remember most.

So often, we get caught in with thinking that what will matter most to our children when they are grown up and on their own will be their memories of material things we were able to give them.  But when you think back on your childhood, do you remember what you got for your 12th birthday or the times you and your family were just hanging out, being together?  Those happy and warm memories.  They are the ones that fill you with those warm, fuzzy feelings of yesterday.

We all need a time in our day to reconnect with other people.  Life can get crazy busy, schedules often get so heavy we don’t know how to find, but let’s try to remember how important those face to face connections are, for ourselves as well as the loved ones in our lives, and make time to, on a more frequent basis, to sit down at the family dinner table together.

Here is the essay I wrote for my application for UNCA admissions this fall.  The prompt was Choose a person of historical significance you would like to have dinner with and explain why.

As a woman, wife, student, business owner and mother of five children, I would relish the opportunity to sit down with Gloria Steinem and share a meal.  Although she was not the first or only woman to be instrumental in the women’s rights movement, she was certainly very influential.

There are certain things I would like to ask her.  The most important question I would pose to her would be, if she could stand where we are now and look back at her push toward women in the workplace, especially, would today’s reality meet up with what her vision was in the 1970’s?  Again, being a woman with all the other hats I wear in my life and although I certainly agree that women should have the right, the choice to work, vote, be paid the same as men, etc., I have to wonder if the women who led the women’s  movement,  expected that while women would achieve most of these rights, they would also, almost always, still retain the responsibilities of running the home, taking care of the children, preparing meals for their families, household chores, etc., even while working at least part-time outside the home.  If Ms. Steinem had had a crystal ball to see this vision of the future, I wonder if she would have been more specific in her push, stating that women should not have to shoulder the same responsibilities of the past and also the new ones they were afforded with their new rights.

First day of Spring and what a beautiful day it is. Sunny, not a cloud in the sky.  Birds are singing and building their spring nests. The pansies and geraniums I planted in the pots on the front porch are gorgeous. Supposed to be almost 70 this afternoon. Welcome, Spring. We sure need you after this long, crazy and snow-filled winter. James and Tyler have cleaned out the chicken coop as we need to get ready for some chicks after the raccoons decimated our flock before Christmas. I have donned my apron this morning and have 2 ½ dozen blueberry muffins in the oven. Quiches to follow shortly. Frankie has been playing with his new sidewalk chalk in the driveway and Meghan, Topher and TJ are at their respective classes at UNCA for Super Saturdays.
Yesterday was another gorgeous day. Frankie and I met with a tax client then we had lunch on the sidewalk at Clingman Café. Kitty joined us as we enjoyed our lunches and sat in the sun. She’s a sidewalk café dog! Love it. After that we went to the French Broad River park for a half hour walk. They have a doggie park there, too, so we let Kitty play. She is so NOT aggressive toward other dogs. She just wanted to be near people and be pet. When the other dogs came to sniff her, she would just roll over. Not an ounce of aggression in her  sweet heart. We left there and drove just down the road to Carrier Park so Frankie could play on the playground there for a little while. It was a nice afternoon. Last night was Meghan’s night to go out with me. We headed back to Carrier Park and took another half hour walk. I think half of Asheville’s residents were out there soaking up the inspiring weather. After that we went to India Garden for wonderful curried meal. I love that her tastes are open to the exotic. We had a fun night out, spending mother-daughter time together.
I’m following my plan with the health resolution. Eating well, taking my supplements and getting exercise. The Celexa withdrawal symptoms are easing every day. I am already feeling better about myself and what I am doing to help myself. It will be a step-by-step, day by day, journey and one that will last a lifetime, but I’m ready for that. And I’m not denying myself things. Not cutting out entire food groups. This has to be something I can live with, so eating healthier, smaller portions is going to be a key. That along with daily movement will make a difference. I need to accept and understand that it’s not going to be dramatic, fast weight loss and I need to know, in my heart, that that’s okay. A couple pounds a week must become acceptable to me and I need to not become discouraged when it doesn’t happen overnight, knowing that with each day, I’m becoming healthier and stronger. The scale, the numbers, cannot rule my life. That is such a hurdle for me.
Poor Jennifer. Had to take Shayla to the hospital last night. She is having surgery this morning as they found she has some sort of blockage in her intestines. I stand in honor of Jennifer. How she finds the strength to get through all this, to fight these battles is beyond me. A year and a half ago, on Jennifer’s birthday, little Miss Shay was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. She’s come through that; it’s in remission, and now she is hit with whatever this is. It just seems so unfair to me. All that Jenn, Shay and Savannah are going through. The battle rages on. My prayers are that the opposing armies will retreat and leave these beautiful girls alone.
Enough already. Jennifer is my hero. Her strength an inspiration.

I think it’s important to share the wonderful things our community neighbors give to us all! My husband, daughter, youngest son and I finally got to have lunch at the Sugar Beet Cafe & Deli here in Fairview the other day. OMG! It was amazing. My hat is off to them. They are only open Wednesday-Saturday for breakfast and lunch, so plan ahead, but you must go. My husband had their pulled barbecue sandwich, Meghan had the huevos platter, and I had their eggs benedict special of the day (Frankie had scrambled eggs & biscuit). Everything was so delicious. We will definitely be going again. I’m addicted!

You can find them at 1185 Charlotte Hwy in Fairview.

What a glorious morning to wake up to! Gentle breeze, clear blue skies. Almost feels like fall, especially with the wind blowing the leaves off the weeping cherry trees in our yard. But, surely it cannot be that close to fall. Right?

TJ and I went out to the back garden earlier and did some weeding. We also picked a basket of green beans, some cucumbers, some red onions and a ton of basil. Getting ready to go in the kitchen and freeze that basil for the winter months.

We just got back from pickin’ our pumpkins from the patch at Hickory Nut Gap farm. Joe’s mother, brother, sister and brother-in-law went with us. It was the perfect fall day for the ultimate in perfect fall fun! After picking out our pumpkins, we wandered back across the road and visited with the sheep, goats, pigs, cows, horses, chickens and turkeys. The kids jumped in the piles of hay in the barn. We, of course, had to get a gallon of their wonderful apple cider, also. We’ll wait until next weekend to do the carving but we came home with some beauties!

Joe has beer can chickens on the grill for dinner and TJ and I have an apple crisp in the oven for dessert, made from some of the apples we picked last month in Hendersonville. Yummy! The girls are enjoying the apple peels and cores from our efforts.

Can’t really ask for a better day than this!

Pumpkin pickin

Just came in from feeding all the birds; the wild birds and our girls (our nine chickens). They are busy, busy. Especially the wild birds. You can definitely tell that fall is in the air. All the youngsters are learning how to eat on their own, but moms and dads are still overseeing, but from a further distance. It’s time for the little ones to be on their own.

Our chickens are growing by the day. We’re looking forward to fresh eggs, probably around Christmastime. That will save some money. But above that, there’s nothing like fresh ‘real’ eggs. The shells don’t crack when you put them in boiling water and the yolks are the most beautiful golden color. Yum!

Our Girls

6pm-Sept. 12, 2008

The Rising Cost of……

EVERYTHING! Where will it end? How long can it continue and the average household survive? This current gas crisis is just plain scary. Most stations are completely out of gas and those few that do have it, only have premium and that’s running over $4.75/gallon. How will businesses stay open? How can employees get back and forth to work when they can’t buy gas? How can they afford to put almost $5.00 per gallon gas in their cars when they’re only making $7.00/hour? But they have to work in order to eat and pay rent and bills. Oh, now they have to make a choice. Should they eat or put gas in their car so they can get to work? What sort of choice is that for someone to have to make?

From what I’m reading, this situation could last several days or a couple weeks. The only positive way I can look at this is that maybe it will make us all really take notice of our driving habits and make some changes. Not just changes during the crisis but changes that we will really take to heart and integrate into our everyday lives for the long term. Joe and I have been very thoughtful about only making trips out for absolutely necessary things (ie: groceries, medication for the children, etc). We’ve also been planning out the week ahead and making changes to our schedules so that what running needs to be done encompasses many errands at one time, in a logical circle. We had already been doing that quite a bit with the already insane gas prices, but now we’re becoming even more aware. It’s amazing how much unnecessary we (and I believe our whole nation) do on a daily basis simply because we’ve been accustomed to just hopping in our cars and going whenever we feel we need to. It’s time to slow down. You know how they say ‘sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you realize that it’s time to make a change’? Well, I personally think that we’re as close to rock bottom as I want to get. I’m ready to make some serious changes, no matter how uncomfortable they may be at times. How about you?