What has happened to our sense of community?  Our sense of neighbor helping neighbor?  For hundreds and thousands of years, that is how our societies worked.  And it worked well.  If our neighbor needed help harvesting their crops, the people in his/her community didn’t think twice about lending a hand.  Young and old turned out to pitch in.  If a barn needed raising, if someone was ill, if someone was in need, those closest to you came to your aid.  Why?  Because by helping your loved ones, by assisting your neighbors, you also helped yourself, you strengthened your community.

Over the past 50-100 years, that mindset has gone by the wayside.  It’s become all about looking out for number one.  It’s all about ME.  We’ve distanced ourselves, physically and emotionally from those around us, even our own families.  Where there used to be the family homestead, now families are spread so far and wide from each other that if they see each other once a year, it’s a miracle.  Sure, there is the internet, skype, text messaging, telephones, but that human, face to face touch is much too often pushed aside.  We don’t have time to sit down together and visit.  Instead we pop off a quick text message and feel like we’ve done our duty of keeping in touch.  There’s no more welcome wagon welcoming new people into our neighborhoods.  Someone new moves in next door and we barely greet them or introduce ourselves.  Don’t want to get too close.  We wouldn’t bother with asking to borrow a cup of sugar from the lady next door.  Just hop in the car and run to the store.  Much easier than walking a few steps over.  There’s something wrong with that picture.

We do not know what is going in the lives of our neighbors, and even more sadly, we barely know what is happening in the lives of our parents or siblings or children who live hundreds of miles away.  Oh, we talk to them now and then, but do we really know the whole story?  We don’t know who needs what.  And today, the question is, even if we did know that our family or neighbor needed some help with something, would we actually help them?  Or would that interfere with our lives too much and so we would simply ignore the need?

What worked for generation upon generation in the past could still work today if we would just get back to those basic things of caring for and about our community.  Of looking out for one another.  Of taking the time to ask our friends and family members what is really going on in their lives, actually listening to their answers and then responding.  Because the world has gotten so big and so immediate, we see this huge, massive picture of all the ills in the world, and I think sometimes we just give up and think  there is nothing we can do.  It’s too much.  But it’s not.  Not if we start at the home.  Start with the small circle.  Your family, your neighbors, your community.  As we start there and help them get stronger, then we all get stronger.  We feel empowered.  It starts with that first ripple in the pond and can then branch out from there.  We need to embrace those around us, lend a willing and helping hand, reach out to those in need.  Only then can our community grow and thrive.  One day, one person, one family at a time.  We must put the unity back in our lives and our communities.  We have to return to the basics.

It used to be that this idea was a given.  For our grandparents, our parents and even for some of us who are a bit older.  Of course we all sat down together for dinner.  What else were we supposed to do?  Where else would we be?  We probably did not realize that that time together was part of glue that held our families, our family life together.  It was simply something we did every night after everyone was home from school and work.  It was part of our daily lives.  A time to share and break bread and reflect, together, on the things that had taken place in each of our days.

Sadly, nowadays, this is not a given.  And of all times when this tradition should be vitally important, it is often ignored.  In this age of techology, when we communicate so often through technology, be it cell phones, emails, social networking websites, etc., human, face to face, eye to eye contact is not experienced.  But we are social creatures.  We need, desire and crave that human touch.  Desire to look into someone else’s eyes and see their soul reflected there.  It’s all well and good to express your feelings and talk about your day’s happenings in a quick post on Facebook or what have you, but let’s be honest, are we completely honest in those posts?  Do we really want to all those people our most intimate and private thoughts and feelings?  I don’t think we do.  And even if we do, something, by the very nature of such communication, gets lost in the translation.  A smily face cannot possibly express true, unabashed joy.  In the same way, a sad face doesn’t express the true depth and breadth of sadness.  Is it just a little ouch or is it gut wrenching sobs?

And who better to share these most honest feelings with than with the people who matter most to you?  Your family.  Whether it’s gathering around the dining room table, sitting on a blanket having a picnic, or what have you, the mere act of sitting down with each other, passing the potatoes and the salt and pepper, breaking bread can be a healing part of our long, often arduous day.  We can let our hair down, smile across the table at our spouse or children, refortify our beings-both physically and emotionally by simply sharing that little half an hour together.   (A key point here is to do so without distractions such as a television or the interruption of phone calls-we turn our phones off during our dinner time.)  This is a time to focus on one another, on our family, to let each other know that the other people are more important to us than other things that can demand our attention.

One of my dearest friends told me a long time ago that one of the things that her grown children always talked about when they got together later in life was how important that family dinner was to them in their memories.  They recalled how no matter how crazy their day had been, they knew that at dinner time, they would all gather and there was someone there who cared and would listen to them.  Those are the types of things I hope my children remember most.

So often, we get caught in with thinking that what will matter most to our children when they are grown up and on their own will be their memories of material things we were able to give them.  But when you think back on your childhood, do you remember what you got for your 12th birthday or the times you and your family were just hanging out, being together?  Those happy and warm memories.  They are the ones that fill you with those warm, fuzzy feelings of yesterday.

We all need a time in our day to reconnect with other people.  Life can get crazy busy, schedules often get so heavy we don’t know how to find, but let’s try to remember how important those face to face connections are, for ourselves as well as the loved ones in our lives, and make time to, on a more frequent basis, to sit down at the family dinner table together.

One Sunday evening, several weeks ago,  I took a walk by myself after having a very challenging emotional day.  I was like the Tazmanian devil all day.  Unsettled internally; feeling like a total maniac and a horrible mother, etc.  Finally around 7:30, I realized I just had to get away from everything.  As I was heading over to our favorite walking spot, just down the road, I realized how many times I have said I just need to get away by myself, get away from everything, even if just for a day or two.  It hit me all at once that one thing I cannot get away from is myself.  Getting away from the other stuff is relatively easy.  But how do I get away from the ‘shitty committee’ that screams so loudly in my head?  How would I truly relax when the me inside would be there, being its typical hamster, running and running and running in that silly little ball.

As I started walking, the tears were streaming down my face.  What had happened?  Why couldn’t I be, why wasn’t I that person I had always so wanted to be? Why was I screaming at my beautiful, precious children?  Children I had fought so hard to have.  First there was James.  After being told that without very expensive procedures to help me get pregnant (which we couldn’t possibly afford), there was hardly any chance that we would ever have children biologically, we embarked on the road to adoption.  Miraculously, within two months, we were holding our precious two day old baby boy in the NICU of the Alaska Native Medical Center.  Then there was the unforgettable day when our fertility specialist told us that we were pregnant at long last, and not just with one, but with three miracles.  And then, totally out of the blue, came the unexpected miracle of the little Frankster.  All five of these incredible gifts, our children, are so precious to me and yet I don’t seem to be able to enjoy them as I want to.  To revel in them.  Because I’m constantly working, constantly worrying and fretting about money.  How to pay the bills.   I work my butt off constantly, in front of the computer, day and night.  On and on.   The pressure, the stress, the worries.  All those things take me away from what I really want.  And I feel like it’s all my fault.

But, as I walked, I looked around at the beauty of my surroundings; the rolling hills and mountains, the barn swallows chasing the evening insects, the cows grazing lazily in the fields, the red winged blackbirds perched along the fence posts, the colors of the setting sun playing against the backdrop of the clouds that dotted the sky.  And it made me stop and think about the fact that all these gifts that are freely given, to me, to enjoy, to soak up, to be a part of.  As I crested the top the of the last hill in the first half of my walk, there,  in the field were three beautiful white tailed deer.  So gorgeous and the perfect bow to the package that was wrapped all around me.  Like the icing on the cake.  I watched them for a few minutes until they caught my scent in the breeze and bounded off into the safety of the woods.

As I turned to head back the way I came, I took some deep, soul-cleansing breaths and decided I needed to stop lamenting all my failures, stop focusing on the fears and worries, and look at things in a different light.  In the light of all that I have been blessed with.  In light of those ‘gifts freely given’.  And it occurred to me, one of those ah-ha and duh moments, that not just was the beauty of nature a gift freely given, but so was, so are my children, my marriage, my home.  Duh! (Yes, some of those gifts were worked for, but they were miracles, gifts in my life, nonetheless.) And here I was, screaming at them, ignoring them, pushing them to the side, treating them in way that was not at all appreciative.  I have been taking them for granted.  And because of some of the situations that I, myself, had created, I was taking out my frustrations and angst on them.  How dare I do that?  I realized it was time for that to stop.  It was a freeing moment, a freeing realization.

Over the next few days, my thoughts focused on this newly found relief.  And the ah-ha’s expanded.  Here I am.  I have been given these incredible gifts.  Gifts I dreamed of all my life.  But I wasn’t ‘using’ them.  I wasn’t showing them the appreciation and the love and thankfulness they deserved.  I was, in sad reality, ignoring them, taking them for granted.  Yes, they had been given to me and they were mine but there it ended.  I wanted more, I needed more.  All these other things were interfering.  The fears, the worries, the frustrations, The need to work constantly.  To do more.  To prove more.  And it hit me, how can I have room in my life for more gifts if I haven’t even opened and enjoyed the ones that I already have?  There is no room for anything more.  It’s like if you get a ton of gifts for Christmas and instead of opening them, you just stack them in a corner, unopened, unused, unloved, unappreciated and leave them there.  When the next Christmas rolls around, no one is going to give you anything else because you haven’t even played with what they gave you last year and they see that you have no room for anything more.  It’s all well and good to visualize and dream and set goals and put your thoughts out in the universe, but when your gift basket is full, you have to appreciate, not just with lip service of thanks, but also with your actions of gratitude, the gifts in that basket.  Share your love with them.  Only then can more gifts be added to your basket.  But, and this is a big but, you cannot appreciate the gifts you already have just because you want more.  You must freely give your love and appreciation, with no expectation of anything back in return.  Yes, it’s a no brainer that that which you put out there will come back to you, but you can’t do it for that reason, for that expectation.  You do it with true and honest love in your heart.  True gratitude.  And gratitude, thanks, thanksgiving and appreciation all require action.  Not just words.

My life has changed since that walk.  Yes, the challenges are still there but internally, my soul, my perspective has shifted.  I am cherishing my gifts.  Taking time out to play games with the kids, go to the lake with the family, embrace them just because.  Is it all roses and peaches?  No, but those moments of togetherness, those “Mommy, I love you.” moments, taking time to breath and relish that which is around me make the challenges less daunting and overwhelming.  Each day is a new opportunity to enjoy these wonderful gifts I have been so blessed with.  A corner has been turned in my life.  A new chapter has begun and I am so thankful I turned that page at long last.

Where has compassion disappeared to?  There are chances to teach in almost every situation.  Why can’t ADULTS see this?  Our youngest son is playing his first year of baseball, on the 5-6 youth league here in Fairview.  While most of the teams in the league are fun and even if our team loses, the kids still have a good team, there are two teams in this particular who have coaches who seem to have lost touch with reality, sportsmanship and companionship.  (No, I am not going to name names, but if they read this, I HOPE they know who they are and I’m sure parents of the opposing teams know to whom I refer.)

I do not know how it is in other leagues around the area, but in this league, there is a horrendous unbalance when the coaches choose their team players at the very beginning of the ball season.  They are able to choose their players and know who they are getting, who has played before, how good the players are, etc.  Our coach is brand new to coaching this year and sadly for her, the league stacked her team with the youngest and the newest players while ensuring that their teams were stacked in just the opposite way.  How fair is that concept?  Why do they not do a lottery?  Put all the players’ names in a hat and take turn pulling from the hat.  Then the teams are balanced.  There are no ‘super’ teams in the league.  And then, then if the coach can coach/teach all the ‘hat’ players how to really play, then, hey, my hat is off to them.  But when you intentionally stack teams with the best players, I’m really not at all impressed with your coaching abilities.  Or maybe it doesn’t have to even all a lottery.  I’d even be okay with each coach being able to choose a third of his/her players (so three on a team of nine) off the top and then having the remaining names put into a pool.  And then again, they would be put in the position of actually teaching/coaching their teams into winning teams.

I know this season is getting close to being over.  But there is still time to teach the players some compassion.  When the opposing team is losing 15-0 or worse, why not pull your outfielders (the less experienced players) into the infield and putting the infielders in the outfield.  This MIGHT even the playing field (no pun intended) out.  And in addition, it would give those less experienced players a chance to learn something new and improve their skills.   (Wow, there’s a thought.  Both teams might benefit from the whole experience!) And is it really necessary to continually send the winning teams runners all the way around the bases when the younger, smaller and more inexperienced players on the opposing/not winning team are just trying to learn the fundamentals of catching the ball and where to throw it?  Must you really win by 20 or more points?

This is in NO way any fault of the players.  This is a ‘shame on you’ to the coaches, the ADULTS, who should know better.  Do you really want and/or need these little guys who are playing on your teams to grow up and think this is the way things should be?  Can’t you take this wonderful opportunity that you have right in the palm of your hand and teach them about compassion?

My children, as well as all the other students across the state North Carolina, are once again undergoing the inane and dreaded EOG (End of Grade) testing for their schools.  As my oldest son says whenever we get on this subject, “Oh, don’t get mom started.”  And he’s right.  This whole system, which does little, if anything, for the students, is an outrage in my opinion.  For over the past month, the teachers have hardly been teaching the kids anything new.  Why?
Because they have to prepare them for these tests, because they have to ‘teach to the test’.  Why?  Because their jobs, their pay, the funding their schools receive, are all dependent on the results of these tests.  So for the last two months or more of our children’s school year, they learn very little new material.  And, yes, our tax dollars are paying for this insanity.  We should all be outraged!  The teachers, the school administrators, have to, for job security, for funding, make sure the students as well as possible on these tests so they must, by necessity, teach mostly what these tests will entail in order to prepare the students for them.  Wouldn’t it be more logical, as well as more educational, to teach them, throughout the year, what they need to learn and not have to jump through the mandated EOG testing hoops at the end of each year?  (Not only do they have to spend time at the end of the year doing this, but they also do practice EOG testing at the beginning of each year to see where the students stand ahead of time.)

The pressure all this nonsense places on the students, the administrators and the teachers is absurd.  We still, as a country, as a state, have a ridiculously high drop-out rate.  Our schools are still very underfunded (just watch the news these days.  More and more educational budget cuts are expected in the upcoming school year. It makes me so sad.  Let’s cut the money going toward educating the future generation.  Yeah, that makes total sense.  NOT!  Our children’s future depends on this; OUR futures depend on the children in school today. ) Then you take into account that the schools that do struggle with ‘making these marks’ are generally in areas that have a higher poverty rate and fewer parents at home to help with homework issues (because they’re working two plus jobs just to get by) and lower teacher salaries.  So, they don’t make the mark, they don’t get the funding and they fall further behind.  And, the cycle continues.

There must be a better solution.  I have no idea what the cost to the states, to the government, is to put out these EOG tests, to pay for the grading, to pay for the results, to keep track of all this, but my guess is that it is pretty darn high.  Wouldn’t it make more sense to put that money into the educational system in a more constructive way?  Maybe something like paying our teachers a better salary.  Maybe like not having our teachers live under the constant threat of budget cuts and layoffs?  Maybe allowing teachers to actually teach new material over the last two months of the school year?  Maybe something like putting more money into special services and/or tutoring for those students that are struggling with keeping up?  What happened to teaching the basics?  To administering finals at the end of the year to see if the kids learned the materials they were taught in the classroom and basing their academic acheivement on that?  It seems to me that when we were growing up and going to school, our teachers taught us the basics, we learned them and we moved on and educationally, we were a strong country (keeping in mind that I am 45 years old).  Our drop out rates were lower.  What happened?  And why, oh why, do we have this insane and inane EOG system going now?

Here is the essay I wrote for my application for UNCA admissions this fall.  The prompt was Choose a person of historical significance you would like to have dinner with and explain why.

As a woman, wife, student, business owner and mother of five children, I would relish the opportunity to sit down with Gloria Steinem and share a meal.  Although she was not the first or only woman to be instrumental in the women’s rights movement, she was certainly very influential.

There are certain things I would like to ask her.  The most important question I would pose to her would be, if she could stand where we are now and look back at her push toward women in the workplace, especially, would today’s reality meet up with what her vision was in the 1970’s?  Again, being a woman with all the other hats I wear in my life and although I certainly agree that women should have the right, the choice to work, vote, be paid the same as men, etc., I have to wonder if the women who led the women’s  movement,  expected that while women would achieve most of these rights, they would also, almost always, still retain the responsibilities of running the home, taking care of the children, preparing meals for their families, household chores, etc., even while working at least part-time outside the home.  If Ms. Steinem had had a crystal ball to see this vision of the future, I wonder if she would have been more specific in her push, stating that women should not have to shoulder the same responsibilities of the past and also the new ones they were afforded with their new rights.

I’m sure you’ve all noticed that prices at the pump are rising once again. Yes, it’s getting into the summer months. Yes, more people will be traveling. But is that an excuse for the oil companies to jack up their prices again? I guess in their minds it is. And they feel they can get away with it because we’ll all pay whatever the price is. But should we? Do we really need to? Let’s think back to two years ago when the cost soared to $4.00 per gallon. My guess is that most of us cut back. We had to. And if you think back, you realize that it wasn’t all that bad. We all do a lot of unnecessary driving. Too much. We tend to not combine trips out. If we feel the need to run to the store for just one or two little things, we hop in our cars and do it. Never mind that that is half a gallon of gas. No big deal. But how many times do we do that a week? What is it costing our pockets and our environment?

Maybe, just maybe, if we all start acting as though gas costs $4/gallon again and cut back, the oil companies will not be able raise it back up there. They’ll get the message that they cannot do that just because they can and get away with it. We need to send some strong, clear messages that we are aware of what they are doing, that we do not have to demand all that gas, that we care about the cost to the environment, and that we are not going to continuously play into their greedy hands.

I have had to take our oldest son to school the past few days, due to certain circumstances, but usually, all our children ride the bus. I must say that I am totally taken aback, flabbergasted, and appalled by just how many parents drive their kids to school each day, when there are buses available to everyone. I do not understand this phenomenon. And I know it is not just his school; it goes for elementary, middle and high schools.  If you drive past any of the public schools at drop off or pick up times, you will see lines of cars. There has to be 300 or more cars dropping off students at his school each morning and there is a student population of about 900. That is 1/3 of the students being car riders. This seems to me a complete and total waste of fossil fuel, time, energy and money, not to mention the damage it is doing to the environment! All these cars driving to and from their homes to the schools and back again, idling in lines, wasting gas, polluting the air. Somebody please explain this to me. We are fortunate enough that our public schools provide our children with reliable transportation each and every day and still this many people do not use it? What is the thought process here? I can see once in a while, when there are extenuating circumstances, that there would be a need to transport your child by car, but 99% of the time, why not take advantage of what is offered? Please. Rethink your habits. Consider what this habit is costing us all in so many ways.

Garden Chores for March
Lawns
• Considering February’s weather, it was difficult to get the spring fertilizer application out on time. That does
not mean it is a good idea to just do it late. If the lawn does not get extra nitrogen this spring, it’s no big deal,
especially if you fertilized in the fall. If you don’t get slow release nitrogen out by the first week in March, just
go with a half pound of nitrogen per 1,000 square feet with a garden fertilizer such as 10-10-10 before the
end of the month.
• Have you had the mower tuned up and the blade sharpened? Mow frequently enough to remove no more
than 1/3 of the blade at a time..
Ornamentals
• This is a good time to treat hemlock trees for Hemlock Woolly Adelgids. For information see:
http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/ent/notes/O&T/trees/note119a/note119a.htm
• It is time to make repairs to damaged trees and shrubs.
• Plant trees and shrubs, but be cautious about digging in clay soil until it dries out a bit.
• When the snow melts off of the plant beds, you may be surprised to find winter weeds such as bittercress
and chickweed. Pull them now, before they go to seed.
• House plants that have gotten leggy can be cut back. Cut above a leaf node far down on the stem so the
plant can regain a bushier form.
• Check house plants for insect infestations that can build up during the winter. Insecticidal soap or
horticultural oil sprays can be useful for controlling aphids, spider mites or whiteflies.
Fruits
• This is still a fine time to plant all fruit crops.
• Prune fruit trees, blueberries and grapes. The Buncombe County Extension office has videos available for
loan on pruning grapes, blueberries and fruit trees.
• If you covered the strawberry bed with straw, plan to remove it late in the month when plants begin to flower.

Vegetables
• Planting can begin in early March, if the soil is not too wet to prepare a seed bed. Plant green peas, kale,
spinach, turnips, carrots and onions.
• In the middle of the month you can direct seed lettuce and plant potatoes.
• Transplant broccoli, cauliflower and cabbage late in the month.
• Late March is a good time to start transplants for tomatoes, peppers and eggplants. It takes about 6 week to
have plants ready to set out in early May.
• Start an asparagus bed. For information see: http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/hort/hil/pdf/hil-8002.pdf
Other
• Order seeds and plants for the summer garden.
• Check garden tools and equipment. Clean, sharpen and repair everything before you need it.
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HOLT INTRODUCES FARM TO SCHOOL BILL TO FIGHT CHILDHOOD OBESITY, SUPPORT
LOCAL FARMERS
(Washington, D.C.) – U.S. Rep. Rush Holt (NJ-12) has introduced legislation
that would create a Farm to School grant program to fight childhood obesity
and support local farmers. The Child Nutrition Act is up for reauthorization
this year, and Holt – a member of the House Committee on Education and Labor
- is working to improve how food is sourced for the 31 million children that
eat at school five days a week, 180 days a year.

“Farm to school programs exemplify the best use of federal school lunch
dollars,” Holt said. “This is a rare opportunity for a win-win solution- a
program to ensure our children get the best quality food at school, help
foster local farm job growth, and create local economic growth.”

Video of Holt talking about the legislation with school nutrition experts
can be found at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bs52sHtZRkU.

The Farm to School Improvements Act (H.R. 4710) would establish a
competitive grant and technical assistance program to increase the use of
local foods from small and medium sized farms in schools. The grant funds
also would improve the relationships between schools and local food
providers. The legislation would provide $10 million in mandatory funding
each year for the duration of the program and require that grant recipients
provide a local match to ensure serious commitment to the project.

Farm to School programs have shown that locally and regionally produced food
can be provided efficiently from nearby producers if there is a good
distribution system.  The grants authorized by this legislation would
provide communities the seed money they need to develop robust,
economically-sustainable programs linking agricultural producers with
schools.

“This seed funding could not come at a better time as the interest and need
for Farm to School programs is at an all time high,” said Marion Kalb,
co-Director of the National Farm to School Network. “HR 4710 will create
competitive, one-time grants that can be used to develop vendor
relationships with nearby farmers, plan seasonal menus and promotional
materials, start a school garden, or develop hands-on nutrition education.”

Farm to School programs can:

*    Strengthen children’s and communities’ knowledge about, and
attitudes toward, agriculture, food, nutrition and the environment.
*    Increase children’s participation in the school meals program and
consumption of fruits and vegetables, improving childhood nutrition,
reducing hunger, and preventing obesity and obesity-related diseases.
*    Benefit school food budgets, after start-up, if planning and menu
choices are made consistent with seasonal availability of fresh and
minimally processed whole foods.
*    Support economic development across numerous sectors and promote job
creation.
*    Increase market opportunities for farmers, fishers, ranchers, food
processors and food manufacturers.
*    Decrease the distance between producers and consumers of fresh
agricultural products, thus promoting food security while reducing emissions
of greenhouse gases and reliance on oil.

“In these challenging fiscal times, every dollar we spend must not only meet
immediate needs but also make lasting improvements for the future,” Holt
added. “Because school food programs currently provide more than half the
daily calories for many children, it is vital that these calories are
healthy ones.  Farm to school programs increase the availability of fresh
and locally grown food that improve our children’s daily nutrition and can
lead to permanent improvements in their diets and productivity and can
reduce future health care costs associated with obesity by billions of
dollars.”